Monkey Terrorist Attack.
Zambian president Rupiah Banda was chatting with journalists at a recent news conference when, to his and everyone else’s surprise, a monkey perched in a tree branch overhead urinated on Banda’s head. Banda shouted jokingly at the monkey but continued the press conference. Sources did not confirm whether the monkey had been invited to attend the press conference or had merely crashed it.
Man’s Best Friend.
On April 12, 2000, Joseph Cameron Tiffany, 39, was hunting near Grant, Neb. when he set his rifle on the ground for a moment. Though the safety was on, his dog Samson stepped on the weapon and managed to shoot Tiffany, 39, in the foot. Tiffany was taken to a local hospital before being flown to Denver where he was scheduled to undergo surgery to save his foot. Authorities confirmed that the golden retriever did in fact pull the trigger on his owner, and Tiffany confirmed that he has no hard feelings toward Samson — he just needs to be more careful next time.
Angry Anglers.
Trouble is brewing miles offshore between fishermen and opportunistic dolphins. Boat captains say that dolphins are becoming increasingly aggressive in their quest for food, with some stealing anglers’ prizes right off the hook. Angry anglers are mystified as to the causes: some blame over-fishing, others, man’s propensity to feed dolphins, and yet others blame federal statutes aimed at protecting marine species like red snapper, that require fishermen to throw back undersized fish immediately, regardless of the presence of any hungry sea mammals.
Feline Felon.
Henry, a cat with a passion for socks, seems to have stolen so many socks from neighborhood clothes lines — 57 socks as of May 2009 — that his family is leafleting neighbors to find the owners of the purloined socks. Henry is often seen on a wall with socks in his mouth though he has never been caught in flagrante delicto. His embarrassed family has so far been unable to reunite most of Henry’s sock-loot with its proper owners — the victims seem to have simply bought replacements, more potential booty for this feline felon.
Foul Play.
A bizarre series of cases have greatly affected the pet life insurance industry. Companies now demand post-mortem examinations to rule out fraud. One such case involved a rare parrot that had been insured for £15,000. When it died unexpectedly, suspicious representatives of Golden Valley Insurance sent the pet’s remains to a vet for autopsy. The rare parrot’s remains turned out to be frozen chicken innards and the real parrot was found to be safe and in perfectly good health.
Shotgun-wielding snake shoots hunter.
Iranian hunter Ali-Asghar Ahani was shot to death on April 23, 1990, by the snake he was trying to catch. Ahani tried to pin the snake with the butt of his double-barreled shotgun behind its head, but the writhing reptile coiled itself into the trigger guard and fired the weapon, shooting Ahani in the head. According to the official Islamic Republic News Agency, another hunter then tried to grab the shotgun, causing the struggling snake to fire the other barrel and nearly shoot him as well.
Keep the plate.
In the Chiryai village of India, students have found they must keep an extra watchful eye on their lunch plates. On Aug. 18, 2007, a monkey stole not only one student’s food off the plate, but the plate itself. The monkey problem in the village has become so problematic that villagers say there has been a mass migration of 70 percent of the village’s families in recent years.
Gullible.
A U.K. convenience store found itself with a repeat shoplifter in 2007. Sam the seagull. Store owners said Sam walks into the store and grabs cheese Doritos, the same flavor every time. “He’s got it down to a fine art. He waits until there are no customers around and I’m standing behind the till, then he raids the place,” the assistant shopkeeper said.
Monkey see.
A South Korean tourist filed a complaint against a monkey, accusing it of stealing his glasses during a visit to the Hindu holy city of Varanasi, India. Kim Dang Hoon told police the monkey swiped his glasses from a table in his hotel room when he opened his window. Police in the area use langurs, above, to keep monkeys away.
Handy thief.
When gardening gloves go missing in Pelham, N.Y., everyone knows the culprit — the feline felon. Jennifer and Dan Pifer’s cat stole nine pairs of gloves and five singles over several weeks in July 2006. The Pifers finallly hung a clothes line in their yard with all of the stolen gloves attached. The sign reads, “Our cat is a glove snatcher. Please take these if yours.”
Indentured pest.
Bill Exner and his wife say there is one determined mouse living in their home: They’ve caught the rodent three times, but it always seems to escape. On March 23, 2007, the furry rodent finally got its revenge: It escaped, but took Bill Exner’s dentures with it. The Exners scoured the home and finally located the dentures after pulling out a section of wall.
SpongeBob strikes back.
In 2006, a man and his friends went to the London Zoo, then stuck around for some monkey business, according to police. Marlon Brown and his friends entered the cage that housed 12 monkeys and stole a rare Bolivian squirrel monkey named SpongeBob. Before they were able to get away, another monkey got his revenge: He bit Brown on the head. Police later discovered human blood in the cage, which matched Brown’s blood. Brown was charged with theft.
Monkeys in his pants.
The rare birds of paradise that flew out of Robert Cusack’s suitcase were only the beginning. Cusack also had two slow loris pygmy monkeys in his underwear, a fact he confessed to customs agents in 2002 at Los Angeles International Airport. Chris Edward Mulloy, Cusack’s traveling companion from Thailand, snuck two Asian leopard kittens past customs agents in a carry-on bag. Mulloy received probation, while Cusack served five and a half months in prison.
Puppynapper.
Security cameras at a pet store in Plantation, Fla., caught a man picking up a Maltese dog and stuffing it down his shorts before walking out of the store on July 23, 2006. Store employees noticed the dog was missing when they were counting the dogs. Then they checked securities cameras. “I can’t imagine how that puppy feels in a man’s shorts for several minutes,” the store owner said.
Don’t feed the monkeys.
Faced with gangs of long-tailed macaque monkeys stealing food and brawling on the streets, residents of Singapore looked to their legislature in February 2007 to step in. The monkeys, which attack in groups of nearly 20, grab at residents’ bags, chase them and steal their food. “It’s not that they want to attack. They just think, if you have the food, why don’t you share it? Why are you eating and not sharing? Can I have some? They cross the line,” a parks official said. The legislature responded with a ban on monkey feeding. Anyone caught doing so will face a stiff fine.
Stowaway.
Passengers on a flight from Florida to New York’s LaGuardia airport became confused when they noticed a monkey hanging on the ponytail of a male passenger. “Did you know you had a monkey on your head?” passengers reportedly asked the man. N.Y. police learned the man had smuggled the baby spider monkey on two different planes as he flew from Peru to Florida to New York on Aug 7, 2007.
